Oh, my dear, I remember like it was yesterday. It was just another regular straight day, I was wearing my football team jacket and talking about boobs, just being my heterosexual cisgendered male privileged self, when suddenly I saw a rainbow. The rainbow guided me to a penis-shaped sword buried in stone, and as much as I tried I could not take it out. I went to the wise Madonna she told me that, legend says, only a true gay could take that sword out of its stone. In order to prove myself as a true gay I had to collect the three glitter-covered pendants: one for fellatio, one for fashion and one for Lady Gaga. Once I had all tree pendants, I went back to the penis-shaped sword, and took it upon my hand. Then, when I raised it over my head and chanted the lyrics for I Will Survive, Cher herself appeared to me in all of her wisdom and omnipresence and told me I was indeed a true gay, and fabulous powers were delivered to me when I tripped and fell butt-first on top of the penis-shaped sword.